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Two things my children will tell my grandchildren; “you grandmother loved Jesus and she tried really hard to get her mess together.” Ya’ll I am a cold mess. Not a hot mess, but a cold one. A mess that has been a mess so long that it has cooled off and settled in. It’s not even warm anymore. Working and being mom and being wife and being whatever X, Y, Z that pops up is hard. This life is not easy! God did not intend for it to be. Jesus told us in John 16:33, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me. Here on earth, you will have many troubles, trials, and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world.” This is one of those “but God” moment in the Bible. Basically, life is going to be hard, but Jesus is the way to true peace and salvation. Now let’s get real! What does this look like? When you wake up late and the kids need breakfast and hear needs done and you need a shower and you only have ten minutes to get out the door. How many times have you sat in your car a few extra minutes in the driveway just to take your breath? We get so wrapped up in the day to day that we barely have the time to wash our hair. Now, add on the guilt we feel for not finding the time to spend time in prayer and thanksgiving over the promises of God. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Quiet time alone with God can be difficult. Truth bomb, if your have small children, you are waking up early most likely means they will too. So where is the balance? How do we find the moments to rest in God and His promises? My children are ten months and one day apart. Yes, Irish twins. Yes, we know what caused it. No, we didn’t plan it. But God did. He knew what was best for me before I could even see the second pink line. My son was fourteen weeks old when the doctor said “congratulations, you’re eight weeks pregnant.” Ya’ll, I almost fell out. I remember being so scared and so afraid. That night through my tears, I ask God “are you sure?” Like He really was going to say “Oops, my bad.” Looking back, I see His plan now, but while holding a tiny human that still wasn’t sleeping through the night, I was terrified! I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on a Monday, on Wednesday I went to our church for a ladies Bible study mostly because I was exhausted and wanted to drop the baby off in the nursery for 2 hours. Don’t judge me! You know we’ve all had that moment when we step out of the children’s ministry hallway and say a silent “Thank you Lord!” for or all the beautiful souls who volunteer to love our children. Shout out to anyone who has ever volunteered for children’s ministry. You are my heroes! That night we were well into a study of the book of Esther and I wasn’t really paying attention at all. I was calculating in my head how old my son would be when my daughter got here. Would he be big enough to move to a bigger car seat or highchair? Did I need two of everything? Diapers! Formula! Clothes! Daycare! Oh, my!!! I was on active duty in the US Navy so being a stay-at-home mom was out. Through the fog of my stress, I heard the words “for such a time as this”. Mordecai told Esther that she was placed in the exact place and exact moment for a reason. And it hit me like a ton of dirty diapers on trash day. God was answering my question. He was telling me that, He was sure. And even if I wasn’t, He was and He would carry me through. Esther 4:14 became my life verse. Whenever I got discouraged, and still when I get discouraged, I reminded myself that I was here for this moment. Friends we all are. God has placed you right in the middle of your hot (or cold) mess for His purpose. What is that purpose, you ask? No clue! Remember, I’m over here just trying to get my cold mess up to room temperature. However, surviving for 40 years as a cold mess has taught me to open my eyes and see God’s plan even when its hard. Answers are not always clear and clean cut. Following Jesus in this world is messy. It’s hard and sometimes seems completely impossible. This isn’t a step program. It’s a follow the yellow brick road into the unknown program. But in case you’re a list person, like me, here are a few of my favorite steps. Step one: Don’t take yourself too seriously. You are not perfect! You cannot be perfect! Just love the exceptionally flawed gift that God has made you Step two: Pray more. Spending time in conversation with God will make you feel closer to Him. Let Him guide you. Even if it’s just a few words. “Lord, I give ‘it’ all to you. Whatever ‘it’ is that is getting the best of me, I give to you.” Ya’ll let’s be honest, sometimes we don’t even really know what the “it” is. I can literally bust into tears and be consumed with sadness and have no idea why I’m crying. These are my “Lean not on my own understanding” moments. Because even when you don’t understand, God does and He wants you to ask Him for help. Step three: Except the help God sends you. An answered prayer can look different in every situation for every person. Help can be someone letting you go ahead of them in line at the grocery store. A baby that sleeps in the car seat for an extra 10 minutes so you can get the shopping bags out of the car. A dog that doesn’t bark when Amazon drops off the package. For me it was friends who always seemed to know when I needed them. If someone volunteers to come take the kids to the park so you can shower alone, DO NOT SAY NO! Take the help. Step four: Drop the guilt. Mom guilt is the worse! But there is also work guilt and wife guilt and Christian guilt. Drop them! Do not feel guilty when your hot mess hangs around so long that it becomes a cold mess. At the end of the day if everyone is alive and fed, you have been successful. I remember my goal being fifty percent for baths. If fifty percent of the household got a bath that day, I was successful! Truth is, we are all human. You are going to forget things. Balls will get dropped. You will have to apologize to the most important people in your life at some point. Forgive yourself! Give yourself grace. Grace by definition is “an undeserved gift”; God gives it to us, accept it for yourself. Step five: Play more. Do you think your family is going to remember that you never left a dirty dish in the sink overnight or that you never missed a family game night? Life is full of chores and things that need to be done and I am in no way telling you to neglect those things. No one wants to live in an unclean space. But don’t stress more over your chores than you do over your choices. At the end of the day what you choose is what really defines you. Step six: Love who you are. I keep telling people how much I am enjoying being 40. I wish that 25-year-old me loved myself as much as 40-year- old me does. I am short, could stand to lose some weight and I am in the bad stage of growing out a short haircut, but I am “beautifully and wonderfully made.” God does not make mistakes my friends. Again, I’m not saying not to work on yourself and take care of your health. Mental and physical health are very important. But don’t spend so much time trying to improve your body and miss out on the beauty of your soul. Do I know it all? Absolutely not. I don’t have a fancy degree that says I am qualified to diagnose the problems of the world. What I do know is how God has worked in my life and how Amazing He really is. This cold mess couldn’t get through a day or even a second without His Devine protection over my life. I’m God’s child and he loves this Cold Mess!