N-O Spells No...

Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize the person looking back? Or maybe you look at a picture from sixteen years ago and ask yourself, “where did she go?” Ya’ll, I have a picture of me that was taken a month before I met my husband. Let me tell you, I can fully see what he fell for. I was a looker! I was also fun and carefree and twenty-four. And if I am completely honest with myself, I wouldn’t trade places with that girl for a million dollars. This life is hard and over the last sixteen years, we have faced trials and troubles together. But the ride has been worth it.

Yet that blasted mirror still gets me almost every day. Not because my body has changed, it has, but that’s not what I see. I see a mom who has no idea who she is or what she enjoys. I can tell you that my son loves to build things and going camping. My daughter is part of a ballet company and works harder than any eleven-year-old I’ve ever met so that she can get her point shoes next year. My husband is a phenomenal bowler. The type of bowler that you don’t want to bowl with because they are so good. Don’t get me wrong. I have hobbies. I read, a lot. I like to craft and I’m obsessed with my dog. But I don’t consistently make time for myself to do anything just because I want to. The last few crafts I have done were in a haste to create a beautiful gift for someone else.

I’m not unhappy. Anyone who knows me would tell you I am full of happiness and joy. This isn’t a pity party. Its just a reflection of how we lose ourselves sometimes. Our purpose becomes our family and we like it that way. Being a good mom and a good wife are at the top of our list of things to do. But I’m exhausted trying to keep up with myself. I am currently involved with 3 in depth Bible studies, I volunteer at church, I’m on a media committee for the ballet company, on planning committees for a church event and I work forty hours a week. My commute is fifty-four miles each way. I love my life, but sometimes I feel like I’m on a roller coaster going ninety miles an hour and I’m terrified to step off. Can I get an Amen? Like most women, I take on too much and say “yes” to just about anything someone asks me to do.

I think about Jesus and The Sermon on the Mount. He told the crowd, “Let yours yes be yes and your no be no. Anything that is more than these is of the evil one.” (Matt 5:37) Most people read this passage and think about not being a “lukewarm” believer. I see it as “say what you mean and mean what you say.” Recently I had planned to attend an event. Then on the day of, I just didn’t feel like it. Not going wouldn’t affect anyone but me. It wasn’t like anyone was depending on me to be there. I had no real reason to skip out other than I just didn’t want to go. So, I stayed home. Ya’ll, I felt so guilty. Like I was lazy and a bad person. I know you can relate. It’s the pressure we put on ourselves to be everywhere. That “the church doors are open so they need me to be there” feeling.

I spent the evening at home reading a book on the couch with my dog in my lap, but I was running through ideas in my head of what excuse I would make when someone said the predictable line “we missed seeing you.” Basically, I was trying to come up with a lie to cover myself for just not wanting to. But why? At forty years old, I’m grown! Or at least I think I am. Why can’t I just say, “I decided not to” and opt out? Truth bomb!!!! I can!!! And you know what? You can too!!!

Deuteronomy 15:10 says “You shall freely and generously give to Him, and your heart shall not be resentful when you give to Him, because for this generous thing the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all your undertakings.” He isn’t just talking about our money ladies; He is also talking about our time. God doesn’t want us to do things begrudgingly and out of an exhausted heart. He wants us to give freely and generously. So, here are few things I am trying to implement in my life to help me be more of a “Yes Girl for Jesus” instead of a “Yes Girl for the World.”

First, I say “trying” because that is what I do daily. I try! I try to be what God wants and not what I want. Once again, I encourage you to give yourself grace. Forgiving others comes easier to me than forgiving myself; but why? Why can’t I give myself the same grace I’d give you if you just came out and said that you just didn’t want to do it. And it can be anything! Tell the girl scout and the boy scout at the door to Walmart that you aren’t interested instead of promising to catch them on the way out and then sneaking passed out another door. I am so guilty of this. I am probably one of the very few who hate girl scout cookies and I do not need any more tin cans of popcorn. I simply say, “no thank you” and go about my day.

Next, own your “no”! My mom used to have a saying “N-O spells no, it means you can’t have, can’t do, can’t go!” My brother and I knew that her “no” was final. No going back. No wavering. Be that person. “The Godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them. (Proverbs 20:7)” What example are we setting for our children if we say “yes” in public but grumble in private. Little ears hear it all. I for one do not want to be teaching my children that you must agree to things you don’t want to do. That can lead to very dangerous habits. This is the same reason I haven’t forces my children to take pictures with people dressed up as characters or Santa. They have the right to say “no.”

Then, find your thing. The thing that brings you true joy and allows you to serve the Lord while still being the best you can be for your family. Self-awareness in what you enjoy and need are important. Now make time for it. You’ll be a better version of yourself. Will there be people who don’t like it? Of course! Especially when it comes to volunteering to help in a place of need. I am not a kid person. I love my children but being in charge of a room full of other people’s kids gives me major anxiety. When asked to volunteer in the children’s ministry, I said “no” because I did not want to dread my day of service. I was able to find a place that I wasn’t in a room with kids but still was able to fulfill a need. God isn’t calling you to every opportunity that is placed in front of you, He wants you to make a choice that glorifies Him.

Finally, be nice to others when they use their “no.” Grace my friends! Grace! God says to “love Him first and then love others as we love ourselves.” Loving God is easy. Loving others can be challenging sometimes. But do it anyway people! When this life is blessy and messy, just be kind and love like Jesus!