Clearing the Filters

Webster says that Comparison is “a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.” How often do we compare ourselves to another person? Her hair is prettier than mine. Her kids act better in public. Her family pictures always come out great. I could go on and on with ways that we, as women, fall face first into the comparison pit. And it really is a pit that once we fall in becomes deeper with every passing moment or passing swipe. Social Media has made it so easy to feel terrible about yourself and your life. My Social “Me”dia accounts are a reflection of only the parts of my life that I choose to show. And I’m sure yours are too.

Let’s be honest, we want it to look like we have it all together. We clean the hardest in those 20 minutes before our guests show up. Our Mother-in Law may never know just how much laundry we have piled on top of the washer in baskets to fold. Our Life group may never see behind that guest room door that houses all the things we need to get around to putting away. And our kid may never know that the red shirt they wanted to wear was tumbled with a dryer sheet instead of being washed. Don’t judge me! You’ve either done it or at least considered it.

And filters! I love filters!!!! The one that smooths out my face and makes me look airbrushed is my second favorite. My favorite is the one that gives me dog ears and a tongue! Life filtered isn’t real life. Remember that when you log on. How we filter our life can vary. I have moved stuff to one side of the counter to make sure my background looks clean. Key word here is “looks.” Because we know what it’s really like. I have a friend from High School who frequently posts the funniest stories about her boys. They are one hundred percent boy and she embraces the wildness. I also often post funny stories about my children. I remember sending her a message telling her “I win” because my son took the cake in the wild child awards. At my mother’s funeral, yes you read that correct, my child decided he wanted change for the coke machine. He thought he had hit the jackpot when he realized that there was a fountain just at the edge of the cemetery full of “free” coins. So…. he dived right in! My brother-in-law had to bribe him by trading him bills for the coins he had pulled out so they could be put back. Two things here; first, it was my mom’s funeral and I didn’t know where I was let alone where he was. Second, his daddy was supposed to be watching him. We laugh about it now, but I was mortified! That’s why I messaged her instead of posting it. I filtered out my life to someone who would see the story as funny, not take it as a chance to judge my parenting skills. Or lack there of!

How often do we face God with a filter? I’m gonna let that sit for a second. When we go to God, with our prayers, do we filter out only what we want to admit? Ask only for the things we think are worthy of Him? Only the things we feel like are “Godly” requests? Do we go to Him with the wins and the losses? Ya’ll! These are some hard questions my friends! Transparency is my motto so I’m going to tell you my answers. Sometimes I filter out what I think is “big enough” to ask God for. I have my hidden personal sins that I hold tight to for absolutely no reason. He already knows me. He knows that hidden space in my mind and heart and life that I don’t share with anyone. So, why do I do it? Comparison. I compare myself to what I see as appropriate. I compare my prayers to those who speak more eloquently than I do. I am literally the filter that is keeping me from fully giving it all to God.

My worst enemy is the voice between my ears. The “me” in “media” is what fuels the comparison game and makes me feel less. Less as a mom, less as a wife and less as a woman all in for God. It’s a vicious cycle that never stops spinning. So, lets jump off! After all, comparing yourself to others is just another way of serving them instead of serving God. Galatians 1:10 says “For am I trying to win the favor of people or God or am I striving to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a slave to Christ.” Who are you serving? What are you a slave too? I know what you are thinking; and no, I do not think we should all give up social media. I feel like there is value in the platforms that connect us when we use them in a healthy way.

Post the messy stuff! Trust me, it helps other people to see that you are a real person too. All of our houses get messy. Laundry and dishes are never completely done. No one has kids that behave all the time. Some of the stories about our children can make others smile. When you are blue, people can pray with and for you. And when you need a pick me up, your tribe will show up and carry you until you feel steady again. Post pictures that have laundry in the background. Laugh about the exercise bike that is now a clothes rack. Stay in your pajamas all day and enjoy it! Be you. Not me! Not her! You!! You are the best version of yourself. If your show others the truest version of you, then they will feel safe enough to be the truest version of themselves.

Kids are wild and are capable of things I would have never imagined. But they are also funny as all get out. Was I embarrassed that my child went coin diving in the cemetery fountain at his grandmother’s funeral? Absolutely! But it was also hilarious!!! His little 8-year-old self diving headfirst into the fountain was probably just the comic relief we needed at that moment, even if we didn’t realize it. He was soaked! And when I asked “why?” He just smiled with his bright blue eyes and freckle face and I just laughed. In one of the hardest moments of my life, the wet mess that was my child, made me laugh. God showed up unfiltered.

I sometimes play games on my phone to pass time. Probably not anything abnormal. But when I win a level, on my favorite game, the word “victory” pops up. I immediately sing to myself (most of the time just in my head) “Oh, Victory in Jesus…” I know it’s a little corny. But I contribute every win to Him. He is the center of my wins and the rock in my losses. I sometimes wonder if my life is the comic relief that makes God laugh. And yes, I believe God laughs. After all, why can’t the source of all joy feel joyful? Ya’ll if you could see inside my head at all the silly things I imagine, you would laugh too. My internal dialog never, literally never, stops talking. And sometimes its British. See, you laughed, didn’t you?

I laugh at myself often. I encourage my children to laugh at themselves. Life is messy. Real life doesn’t have a filter option. In the words of my husband, ”it is what it is!” And its going to be ok, and even if its not, its still ok. With God we can do anything. Remove the filter between you and God, and the filter between you and the world, so you can let other people in your life. The real you. You might realize you aren’t as alone in this Blessy and Messy world as you thought you were.